Life is too short. Take advantage of everything, and give everything back. Change the world, but protect tradition. Be honest when it counts, but lie when necessary. Fight for what you believe in, but be peaceful and kind. Be good to everyone, but be better to yourself. Stand in the rain and get soaked, but soak up the sun. Love your family, but love your friends like family. Cry and feel pity, but scream for joy. Be true to yourself, but be truer to others. Feel pain and agony, but feel euphoria as well. Wish for a better life, but respect the one you’ve been given. Do nothing and everything. Be you, but choose to be a better person. Live with a firey spirit, and die with pride.

I have three different doctors. My doctors are telling me to do three different things. I think we need some sort of doctor cage match. Whoever comes out the winner, can tell me what to take.

— *Ding ding*

See the soggy cat pictures I reposted? That’s what a herx reaction feels like.

— Soggy cats ain’t no joke.

Doctor says I have extra heart beats but my heart looks good overall.
Just tell me, doc, can I have my Starbucks again?

— Shoot that shit into meh veeeins.

Tick Tock

I tend to be waiting in the doctor’s office for some time prior to being seen. After moving from the waiting room to the smaller waiting room (aka the exam room) I usually have a good 10 minutes  of me time. So today, while  sitting in the exam room for the 6th time this week, I was struck with a number of thoughts…

1. What exotic disease do I have this time?

2. What the fuck is that buzzing sound?

3. Wonder if my husband can get off work for my next appointment at 4…

4. Seriously, what the fuck is that buzzing? It’s like the ceiling is vibrating. Is it the air conditioner?

5.Wonder if I shouldn’t have gotten off that malaria medication… I’m so hot, I’m actually sweating. I hope I don’t smell…maybe the doctor won’t notice the sweat rings under my armpits…

6. That sound is definitely coming from the ceiling…is it the florescent lights? I think they vibrate. This sound is really loud, why didn’t the nurse say anything about it.  

7. The nurse had an ankle bracelet on, like a straight up under-house-arrest police ankle bracelet. Is she under some sort of  house arrest deal? I think they also do those to test alcohol levels…didn’t Lindsey Lohan have one of those on? 

8. The buzzing sound is gone! Where’d it go? The lights are still on, the air is still on…is it something on the floor above me? May be it’s like a vaccuum or some sort of medical device thing… but damn, that was loud…

7. Okay, I can definitely smell myself, I mean, it’s not terrible, but I am definitely sweaty. I also won’t be able to take a shower for 48 hours after I get that heart monitor on today so I have to fit in another shower in between now and 4…

8. My veins have been stuck so many times the past few days that I look like a heroin addict. Seriously, like my arms are shot. And why is it that my veins are all fat and happy today when they were all shriveled up the past few days when I had to get IVs? I better get blood drawn today because these bad boys are ready to go. 

9. Sweet! Knock on the door; it’s doctor time! *dance dance dance* Oh wait, it’s the nurse again telling me the doctor “will be here shortly”. Just wasted a perfectly good happy dance. 

By the time the doctor shows up, I often forget why I am actually there to see them and when I leave I realize that I not only forgot to ask half the questions I had, but also forgot to get my paperwork signed for my time off of work. Crap. Back to the doctor. 

My nurse had an ankle bracelet on.

— I think there is a joke here somewhere. ..